The Feeling of Home
It is no secret that God communicates with each of us in different ways. For me, it is sometimes through my dreams, but always through a “peaceful” feeling. I don’t know how to describe it except to say (and this is a quote from The Preacher’s Wife) “it’s like going home, only to no home you’ve ever known before”. There have been times in my life when I’ve had the feeling often and others when it had been so long I almost forgot it existed. The last time I remember having this feeling was last fall…
I was sitting in my boss’ office (Poppa Bear, if you will) and I was telling him something that troubled me and he got a look on his face that I had never seen before. I’m a self blamer. Most of the time I assume if something is wrong it is my fault, I try to step back look at the situation see what I could have done differently. If I can fix it or change it I try and other times I know it’s not my place or my action that is the problem. Well, when he got this “look” I immediately thought “oh no, I did _(insert questionable action/scenerio here)_ wrong!” and I said to him ” (Poppa Bear), am I wrong? Did I misinterpret the situation? It was me wasn’t it?” and I could feel the tears rush to the back of my eyes and a knot in my throat. By this time he had moved from behind his desk to a chair by mine. He looked up troubled and said “No. No Haley, I am just in shock from what you told me. It is so, so, alarmingly self centered that I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be able to see that” and that’s when it happened… the tears ran back inside, the knot cleared, and that peaceful feeling came… it’s like a warm, tingly, calm feeling… it’s like feeling an ocean breeze come over your soul. I love it. I dare say I live for it. I do live for it, because it is the feeling of the presence of the Lord for me, and I will gladly live for that.
I had forgotten about this until Wednesday (my last day at the USDA) when an older gentleman I work with, and think very highly of, came to say good-bye. For some reason when he was talking to me, about nothing particularly moving to ones’ soul, I felt the rush all over again. I’m not sure if it was God’s way of communicating something about that person, their impact on my life, or perhaps to remind me that I could still feel that (I’ve been focusing solely on my relationship with Christ lately), but it was good. It made me think about that day in Poppa Bear’s office. It made me smile. It made me feel at peace…
